I've been quiet for a while, mostly due to everyday life obligations. Partially due to a need to center myself and let the transformation in my attitude take place without overanalyzing it - something completely against my nature. I've come to realize that not only can I accept a woman's control, but I feel better and more satisfied with it - and I feel better about myself.
I realized this morning that tomorrow it will have been four weeks since my last orgasm - not a record, but definitely stretching my endurance. The ache to cum is constant and driving. It's getting harder to focus and keep myself from touching myself. Every time I get close, I just think about how dissapointed Lady Sin and my wife will be, if I break the rules. That *usually* works - sometimes it just makes the ache worse.
As predicted, during my session on Thursday, I became desperate to cum. The tease seemed like it flew by in only 5 minutes. Lady Sin brought me to the edge - I can't remember how many times. And suddenly it was over, shockingly, abruptly, disappointingly over. She used pain at the end to force me soft when it was over. I felt used & humiliated - ashamed that there was one part of the tease that I could not fulfil. I tried & tried, to no avail. It was horrible to have to report to her my failure.
I realized with this tease, my report & pictures, and Lady Sin's response, that even when I'm writing with completely submissive intent, I still try to maneuver for some control. I try not to, but it still happens. Fortunately, she sees right through me and calls me out on it. It makes me realize that if I want to fulfil my dream of subservience, I'm probably going to need a lot of training. The question will be this: if I seek and receive training, will my wife be willing to pick up the responsibility of control? Obviously I will have to discuss this with her.
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