Pain is an interesting thing. It can build and build until you can't concentrate on anything else, but it can also focus you and make your senses feel alive. Take clothespins on your nipples for example: at first the pain is tolerable, and the thrill of submission washes over you & makes you oblivious to it. Time seems to slow down. Each minute that goes by seems like an eternity of bliss. Then slowly, the pain becomes all consuming, until you can think of nothing else, and that slowed down time becomes your torturer.
And you'd think taking away the source of the pain would bring relief - but no, it's just a new form of torture, albeit one that fades. It feels like your nipples are on fire, pulsing to your heartbeat, ready to explode with each thump of your heart. The feeling slowly fades, until only a dull ache is left. Even now, over an hour later, they're still tender and a bit painful to touch.
I'm no longer afraid of clothespins, but I now have a very healthy respect for them. I think I fared well in Lady Sin's test, but I won't know until she decides to let me know (now we're back to the patience thing). I hope she's pleased.
Re-reading that last paragraph made me realize something: I'm still looking at this experience as something that needs to be controlled - instead of just surrendering to the act of submission. Maybe that's normal for this early, but maybe I need to start thinking more in terms of having bliss just for submitting. Being impatient does not mesh with that...
I have decided one thing, though: I've set a goal for myself to use this experience to motivate my weight loss. I'm planning to lose about 20 lbs during the next two months by cutting my food intake. I've been halfheartedly doing this since early January, but now it's time to get serious.
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