Day 17 - 4/6/2014 9:30 AM

Weekend mornings are the worst. I normally sleep in or laze in bed till 9 or 10 AM. But at 7:30 AM yesterday and today, I was wide awake, hard, breathing ragged, practically shaking with frustration. I want sex so bad. I'm so horny. I think during the night last night I was dry humping the bed in my sleep, because I remember having a wonderful sex dream being interrupted by my wife gently pulling on my hip, pulling me over from my front to my back.

Whispering "Shhhhhhh" in my ear and laying her hand on my stomach as we both went back to sleep. I laid there, wishing her hand would move up or down, instead of just sitting there on my stomach - as I drifted off into fitful sleep.

So in the morning, I have to get up. Do anything other than lay there, unable to sleep, my body waging a war inside me between desire and frustration. It practically brings me to tears. I find it incredibly hard to believe that I've gone 5 weeks without cumming before. It's been three weeks, and I feel like I'm at the breaking point each day. Each day I get closer to that point of losing all emotional control, each day thinking that I can't possibly get any closer without having a complete mental breakdown.


Be careful what you wish for - these are wise, sage words. I did wish for this - this desperate feeling, this loss of control. I do wish for this.

And that right there is the real war taking place inside me. I want this. I want to go over the edge and lose control - to involuntarily lose emotional control to go along with the physical control that I've voluntarily given up. I image it to be freeing, but the logic inside my head is screaming at me that it will only be more frustrating - to give in to the feeling of total submission, but *still* not being able
to cum. Because I really, really, really want to cum.

Lady Sin sent me short note, commenting how good it was, in my denied state, that I was paying more attention to the needs of my wife - keeping her happy and doing things for her without complaint. She hinted that perhaps long term denial is exactly what I need. This completely freaks me out, but the realist in me (certainly not the horny, needs-to-cum part) knows that she is right. When I am denied, I do take care of the women in my life better. I'm more subservient and agreeable. I argue less and agree more. I do things for them (such as laundry) that I wouldn't normally do - and I do them eagerly, hoping for praise or reward.

And like or not, I've come to accept that Lady Sin, a woman I know only through pseudonyms, messages, and teases, is an important woman in my life. After my wife, the most important one. The one who controls everything I'm going through.

Desperate and waiting...