I hate it when I have time to kill these days. I used to relish this time, able to relax and veg out - let everything slip away. Now, I hate it. Every time, my mind wanders to sex, desire, and that desperate aching need that throbs through me at all hours of the day and night. I cruise porn, something I've never done a lot of in the past, hoping to find something that will give me mental pleasure satisfying enough to help abate the need - but it never does. If anything, it makes it greater, but I can't stop - I keep hoping that something will help. Hoping that something will quench my thirst.
Right now, right this second, I would do anything to be allowed the chance to cum. Anything to be given some pleasure on any level, even. This feeling ebbs and grows throughout the day, but right this second, it is so strong that I'm struggling to deal with it - to not touch myself, to not beg my wife, to not beg Lady Sin. I wonder if I will beg sometime soon, because I don't see any way that this feeling will get any less as time goes on - if the last few days are any indication, it will only get stronger. If I beg, how will Lady Sin react?
I've been hard so long this afternoon, that I can't pee, even though I really need to (which just makes it worse). I'm shaking, trembling. Wanting. Needing. Do I have the will power to do this? For the first time, I am questioning that. Every fiber of my being wants to go to the bathroom right now and jerk off.
I tried to divert my attention by reading about motorcycles, another of my passions, but even that went wildly astray and I ended up in motorcycle soft porn. There isn't much good, but I found a couple decent ones.
Years ago, I had a wallpaper of an overhead shot of a beautiful red Ducati with an even more beautiful red head lying nude atop it. I lost it somewhere along the way, and have been unable to find it again :(
As always these days - waiting.
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