It's amazing how you can be horny without being hard. And how you can be hard without being horny. For much of today, my body seemed out of sync - horny, desperate, and unable to concentrate at times, just hard and uncomfortable at others. Then there were the times where everything was in sync, and when the horny, hard, fuzzy, desperate, & uncomfortable all come together at once, I get weak in knees, unable to think. Malleable. Ragged breathing. Like right now. I've found that when I sit down to write this blog, I'm spending more time looking at porn than writing.
I daydream about being tied up and teased mercilessly. About serving my mistress. This experience is really developing my submissive side. I'm spending much more time paying attention and serving my wife.
Last night I had to watch and listen to my wife again. She seemed to be putting on a show for me, delighting in my squirming and whimpering. At one point I begged her to let me do more, but she ignored me. I tossed and turned after that, and ended up sobbing - feeling sorry for myself. She stroked my hair and side of my head for a while, and I fell asleep. Her loving indifference is almost more maddening than Lady Sin's taunting. I'm still split. While I have an incredibly hard desire to cum, I'm worried that, if I do, I'll lose the ground I've gained in submission and servitude. It makes me really wish I had an actual chastity device, so I didn't have to work so hard to restrain myself from masturbation.
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