I think I'm being taught a lesson in patience. I am what's known as an Eager Boy. I jump at the first chance to fulfil my kink almost every time. I don't wait and enjoy the ride. No, strike that - I definitely enjoy the ride, I just want the ride to go faster. Rocket car on the desert flats faster. I guess it doesn't help that I'm a thrill junkie, too.
This entire 60 days is a lesson in patience. UGH. I think I'm in denial. It doesn't help that every time my mind goes south, I'm forbidden to do anything about it. And let's face it - my mind goes south a lot. Laying in bed last night, rock hard. Agonizing. Same thing in the morning. I had a vague dream overnight of being hard, immobilized, and begging for release. The ache for release has started a little bit - that pit in your stomach that feels like you're hungry, but not for food.
It's a good thing I have self control. Now that's a weird statement from me, because I have *lousy* self control. I definitely love instant gratification. When it comes to Femdom, though, and being specifically instructed to do (or not do) something, I have iron will. I guess it comes from my deep-seated desire to make women happy (no, I don't always succeed). If only I could get my wife to order me to eat less and exercise, I'd be golden ;) So I have to pretend - fantasize that somehow my weight loss goal is somehow tied to this 60 days. I haven't worked out the details yet, but so far I've done ok and lost a couple pounds (the first ones are always easy, right?). My goal is to get under 200 lbs by the end.
Enforced chastity has always long been a fantasy of mine. About a year ago, I stumbled upon Sara Jameson's site malechastityblog.com/blog She doesn't write much on the blog anymore, but the guide she sells is well worth the money, if you are willing to take it seriously and have open, vulnerable communication with your partner. Last summer, based on help from this guide, I was able to really talk to my wife about my desires. She was pretty much in disbelief - she could not wrap her head around the idea that I wanted sex with her (lots of sex) without any orgasm myself. She even hypnotized me and spoke at length with my subconscious about it (I'm a somnambulist - extremely easy to hypnotize to an extremely deep level).
So we experimented for several months. She let me cum every 2-3 weeks and the sex was incredible. I learned how to pump and slam into her and stop before I could go over the edge (lots of prior practice with edging helped with that). I learned how to give her earth-shattering squirting - no - gushing - orgasms. It was awesome. Then work stress (for both of us) intervened and we gradually drifted back to normal sex. She never did let me wear a chastity device. She didn't want me 'covered up' - so during that time I was allowed to touch and masturbate, as long as I didn't cum except when she wanted me to, and only inside her.
As the kink level dropped in our sexual relationship, I went back to using the internet to satisfy my cravings. I discovered Milovana, and then YourOrgasmIsMine. Which leads me to here. Where I'm waiting. Trying desperately to learn my lesson, but doing a very poor job of it.
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