Every time the new email chime goes off, it sets me on edge. Is it Lady Sin? I can't wait to check it to see. I'm literally hanging on every email, hoping to hear from her. This patience thing sucks :) I hate it that she keeps me waiting like this, even though I knew that would be a consequence of this arrangement with her. I'm also nervously thrilled about it - being forced to change my behavior, knowing that I've entered into a contract to lose control for two months, and having the resolve to obey that contract to the letter - deep inside, these things are terrifyingly exciting.
Intellectually, I can say that I masturbated (before this contract) about 3 to 5 times a week, in addition to sex with my wife. But then reality interjects - I've discovered in the last couple days that I stimulate myself *all* the time: mostly just touching myself or pressing myself against my wife in bed; touching myself when I'm in the shower or getting dressed (or undressed). While none of these are really considered masturbating, they are pretty much all off limits now - and every day I discover new things that I'm in the habit of doing that I have to stop myself from doing.
Since I started this contract with Lady Sin, I've had two other Dommes on the YourOrgasmIsMine.com site ask me to fill out profiles for them - Ms Katie (Couger Next Door - I love that tag line) and Mistress Cassandra. That's the thing about this site that really boosts its appeal - the Dommes make you feel like they really want to tease, deny, and dominate you. While I'm too old for being 'Couger' material :), Ms Katie has a list of specialties that appeal to me. And though I'm sure that any session with Mistress Cassandra would be a boundary-pushing (breaking) experience, I don't know if I'm ready for most of what she has to offer.
At any rate, I first plan to enjoy the next 57 1/2 days with Lady Sin. I've realized (in my head at least) that I have to stop thinking about what it's going to be like 40, 50, or even 57 days from now - especially if I haven't been allowed to cum in all that time (an option I left up to her discretion, though in hind sight, I think the odds are pretty high). Her last message to me made me fully realize that some of my teases may be entirely about pain tolerance - it's possible that I may not masturbate at all :o - I think I'm ok with that (its not like I have any control over her agenda now, so I *have* to be ok with it), but it scares me. It's the kind of fear that you both anticipate and dread. The sudden realization that this isn't just a masturbation game, but actual domination and control. Lady Sin, if you are reading this: There I go again, hard and dripping.
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